


True Courage Part 5

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2018-12-17 17:37:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11856402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived atStargatefan.com. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onStargateFan Archive Collection profile.





	True Courage Part 5

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

True Courage   
Written by Margo   
Comments? Write to us at margomls@aol.com

Part 5 

The hallway outside the infirmary was a busy place, Teal'c, Daniel, Sam and General Hammond anxiously waited for news of Jack's condition. The team had filled in General Hammond on what had transpired on P4X 379. Once again, the General couldn't believe the bad luck that his best team encountered. Once again, their leader had put himself in harms way to protect the team and to prove the integrity of all of Earth's people. How ironic the Colonel was the military man all the politicians loved to hate? He didn't waste his time playing the games all the stiff shirts shoveled out. So no, our Colonel O'Neill was not a popular man in Washington; well the President did like the Maverick Officer, but he was more aware of his record than most. The pencil pushers just saw him as a pain in the neck, always questioning, not conforming to their idea of the obedient Air Force Officer. And now he was the one chosen to prove Earth could be a trusted and a worthy ally. 

Dr. Fraiser took a deep breath, and walked toward the door to the hallway. Once again, it was her duty to take a broken body and put it back together again. Colonel Jack O'Neill had been put back together more times than Humpty Dumpty. 

Janet exited the doors to anxious, nervous stares. The whole team looked battered and on the brink of exhaustion. They may not have been physical beaten, but emotionally they were drained. This team was more like a family than just teammates, when one suffered they all did. They were actually closer than some blood relatives were. 

"The Colonel is in pretty bad shape, but he should make a full recovery. It will be a tough rehab; he has several broken ribs. The stab wound in the side is infected. He was beaten quite severely; and he does have a mild concussion. There are also several bite and puncture wounds, not serious, but they will also be sore. These along with the knife wound did require stitches. He’s on an IV solution to combat dehydration and of course antibiotics to fight off infection. I also gave him a sedative with a pain medication to help him sleep. He appears to be exhausted. I gather he has not been able to sleep because of the pain. Now, the next 24 hours are critical, and we will monitor his condition very closely for any problems that may arise. Internal injuries are always a possibility with the type of abuse that he experienced. All the tests have come back negative so far, but again his body has been through a shock. Also, I got the tox screen back and it was negative. So, whatever drug was used is now out of his system. He will be asleep for several hours so why don't you all go get a shower and some food? And try and get some rest, you have all been through an ordeal." Janet was pretty certain they would all show back up in the infirmary later that night. She was mildly surprised they did not insist on seeing their CO before they agreed to eat and shower. 

Janet went to her office to make her notations in the Colonel's chart; the nurse would alert her of any changes immediately. When she emerged from her office one and half-hours later, surprise, surprise the Colonel had visitors. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c had taken up the vigil at his bedside. Janet checked Jack's vitals; they weren't great but acceptable. After all, as she had told the team earlier, his body had been traumatized. But still, there seemed to be something else going on here. She would have to ask Daniel, she could always get him to spill the beans. 

"Janet, how is he doing, really?" Concern was evident in Sam's question. 

"The Colonel is remarkably strong, I really believe he will be fine." Yes, there was definitely something else going on here. "I want to keep him sedated for several hours to allow him to rest. You know what a bad patient the Colonel can be. A sleeping Colonel makes a happy nursing staff. Now go and get some rest, if anything changes I will find you." Janet was determined to find out what else had transpired on P4X 379, something the team was not yet ready to discuss. As the team filed out of the Colonel's room, she wasn't surprised one worried looking archeologist remained behind to keep vigil. Daniel had already assumed his place in the hard plastic chair beside the bed. 

Most of the time, it was the Colonel who got the honor of spending days and nights glued to the bedside of his friend, Daniel Jackson. But now the tables were turned, and it was Daniel's place to return the favor. Though to be honest, the Colonel wouldn't be happy with this arrangement, he didn't like all the attention. He would much rather everyone left him to suffer alone. But, whether he realized it or not, Colonel Jack O'Neill, former Black Ops, big tough Air Force Ace, needed these people as much as they needed him. Oh yeah, he put on a tough, sarcastic, don't give a shit front, but she had seen the real Jack O'Neill. This man who was loyal, compassionate, kind and smart. He didn't feel the need to impress, so he just sat back and let others take all the glory. She had watched how his face softened whenever a child entered his space. He really must have been a great father! Very few people have ever had the privilege of knowing the real man; she was proud to be one of those few. 

"Daniel, would you like me to have the nurse make up the next bed for you? At least try and get some rest. You are not going to able to help the Colonel if you are sick yourself." 

" Janet, please just let me stay here for awhile. I don't want to leave him alone. He's ....uh...uh, been having really bad nightmares, and I don't want him to go through them alone. I know I probably can't help, but I just have to be here." Daniel felt so powerless; he didn't know how to help his friend. He knew Jack was used to suffering alone, but this time his team would be here to help with the pain. Physical pain, Jack could handle, God hadn't he proved that enough times? But emotionally Daniel felt like Jack's cup was going to overflow. And he was determined to be here if needed. 

"Daniel, did something else go on that you are not telling me about?" Janet was convinced there was a lot more to this than meets the eye. 

"Janet," Daniel softly responded, "the Spiritual Leader somehow got Jack to relive his past. They felt this was the way to learn about his heart and soul. It was very difficult for him, all those experiences he buried so deep, and this one man brought them all to the surface. After it was over, his eyes were so blank, no life, he just stared, and he didn't talk for hours. I have never seen Jack scared, he is always so confident, but Janet, he looked terrified. He was in such pain, so confused; we didn't know how to help him. Jack had been experiencing nightmares for several weeks before this mission, but we all talked the first night and it seemed to help him. 

"Then, after Razteb was finished with him he started having very real flashbacks, not just while sleeping. At times he faded totally, didn't have a clue where he was. I am really worried about him. Janet what is this going to do to him? Obviously, he has survived some very bad experiences, I can't believe he has to relive it all!" 

"Daniel, that's part of the problem, the Colonel never dealt with all this when it happened. He just filed it away in that head, hoping to never deal with it. We both know it has never truly gone away, he is still haunted by it all. Like you said all we can do is be there for him. But you know he will never ask for help, to him, that shows weakness. 

"Well, this time he is going to get help whether he wants it or not." Daniel looked again at his sleeping friend. "I will not stand by and watch him self-destruct. Maybe, we are all worrying for nothing, maybe since we are away from that planet everything will get back to normal." 

"Keep those positive thoughts, Daniel." Janet gently squeezed the scholar's shoulder. "I need to check on a few things, but I will be back later. Page me if you need me before then." 

 

Daniel was aroused from his light sleep by Jack moaning and talking incoherently. He placed his hand gently on his friend's shoulder and spoke softly hoping to banish the demons that were creeping into his sleep. Jack seemed to be getting more agitated, so Daniel decided the best course of action would be to awake his best friend. He really didn't know if that was a possibility because of the amount of sedatives he had in his system, but he knew he could not stand by and watch Jack suffer through another nightmare. The nervous archeologist began shaking Jack's shoulder gently and calling his name. Even sick and weak Jack was still able to struggle against Daniel, he was trying to push him away and get out of bed. Daniel was concerned Jack would pull out the IV's with his thrashing about. It was taking all of Daniel's strength to keep Jack in place. 

The duty nurse must have heard the commotion and alerted Dr. Fraiser, because both of them came rushing into Jack's room. Dr. Fraiser immediately understood the situation. She informed the nurse to go back to the station, that she could handle it from here. The Colonel was an extremely private person and did not like to disclose details concerning his dark past. Only lately had he started to talk to his team members about this time in his life. That just went to show how close these four people had truly become. From what Janet had heard, the Colonel had also been somewhat of a loner in those years previous to the Stargate Program. She wondered briefly what the Spiritual Leader had given to the Colonel to draw these memories from that deep corner in his mind where he locked them away. 

"Daniel, keep talking to him," Dr. Fraiser had to calm her patient. "Keep him still and I'll give him a mild sedative." She quickly got a syringe and inserted it into the IV line. She had wanted to back off the sedation and let him awake slowly, but after this episode she needed him to calm down and relax. 

 

"I am trying..." Daniel knew Jack was weak, but even in this condition he was very difficult to restrain. Whatever Janet had given him seemed to be working, he wasn't exactly going to sleep but at least he had quit fighting. Jack's brown eyes were trying to focus on his surroundings. He stared at Daniel and smiled as his hand reached out to touch his friend's arm. It was a tentative gesture, like he was checking to make sure that Daniel was real. 

"Daniel, I'm okay, you can let go of me now. Can I please have some water?" Janet and Daniel raised him slightly so he could sip some water. "What have I grown another head? I'm fine, stop looking at me like I am nuts. Okay, bad choice of words, most people think I am nuts." Jack as usual was using humor to help relieve the stress they were all feeling. But Janet and Daniel could see the haunted look behind those guarded eyes. He was still trembling and sweat was still apparent on his face. And those fisted hands had yet to relax. 

"Jack do you want to talk about what happened?" Daniel was becoming more and more concerned about his friend. Jack was saying he was fine, but he didn't look fine at all! In fact Daniel had never seen Jack look like this. He just hoped that sarcastic, cocky, smart-mouthed Colonel they relied on would return soon. 

"You know Daniel, I'm just really tired. I think I will try and sleep." Jack was not ready to discuss this particular nightmare. He also didn't want to close his eyes. But he was just so damn tired. 

"The Colonel is correct Daniel, he really needs to rest." Janet was torn between wanting to know about this nightmare and trying to get her patient to rest. "Daniel, you can stay for awhile. But later I want you to rest, also." 

She didn't think there was a snowball’s chance in Hell of Daniel leaving, but she had to try. 

"Thanks Janet, but I would really rather stay here and keep Jack company." No way was he going to leave his friend's side. 

"Oh, thanks Daniel. I guess you are going to tell me all about those new rocks of yours." 

"Artifacts, Jack. And yes SG-6 did bring some very fascinating items back from P7X230." Daniel was relieved to have the distraction of bantering with his friend. Just like always. 

"Well that's a guarantee I will get some sleep. Daniel talking about his rocks always put me to sleep." 

"Okay, you two I have real patients to look after. I will check in with you later." She could see the Colonel was trying to relieve the stress and worry in his friend's face. But those brown eyes could not hide the pain and confusion lurking in them. This was one stubborn Colonel, but she would let him think he had won this battle with her. 

'Daniel, you know Janet is right, you need to get some sleep." 

"Jack, I'm not leaving. You are not going to win this argument. So you might as well forget it!" Daniel was determined to stay with his friend. Tomorrow Sam and Teal'c could sit with Jack and he could get a few hours rest. 

"So Daniel, tell me about the debriefing. What team is going back for the negotiations?" Jack was trying desperately to keep his eyes open. 

"General Hammond I’m sure will give you a full report when you are better. But for right now, SG-2 is shipping out tomorrow. The General felt Major Ferretti would be a good choice to start negotiations with Krozack. When you get well, he wants you to have the opportunity to help with the diplomatic relations. But he said that would be your choice and he would stand behind your decision. So, what do you think, Jack?" 

"Daniel, I understand Krozack having to being suspicious of strangers. I don't agree with their methods. But, yes as soon as I can get out of here, I would like to go back there." 

"SG-2 is scheduled for a 5 day recon. As I said they will begin negotiations, and then we can join them after Janet releases you for duty. But for now, Jack, why don't you get some rest." Daniel was very worried about his friend. He knew Jack had said he was okay with the situation, but he had been tortured and forced to remember horrible events from his past. Still, it did seem as if he wanted to make a return trip. Like all the other violence from his friend's past, he figured it would be buried along with the rest. Again, Daniel just hoped this latest incident would stop haunting his best friend. He wanted things to go back to normal for them all! 

"Yeah, I am pretty tired. See you tomorrow, Daniel." 

****************************** 

Four days after SG-1 returned from P4X 379, Jack was starting to look and feel like his old self. The bruising was beginning to fade, his ribs were still wrapped and the knife wound was only a little sore. All in all, he felt pretty good. Even the nightmares were letting up; he had actually slept for an entire 6 hours the last few nights. He had not even taken any pain medication or sedatives in 2 days. Janet had wanted him to, but in his mind, pain was real and it would help him to distinguish between the past and present. 

"Colonel, I need to check you. How are you feeling today? You are certainly looking much better, though I don't suppose you could have looked much worse!" Janet was trying to gauge her patient's state of mind. The Colonel had certainly seemed to be back to his old self again. Something she and many other people on this base were happy to see. Since he was in such good shape before this latest fiasco, his health was improving remarkably. She had thought he would at least be in the Infirmary for 7 days, but if everything checked out she had agreed to release him today, though she did have some instructions he would have to follow. 

"Real funny, Doc. Every ones a comedian! So, when can I escape from here?" 

"You can leave, Colonel. But I need you to get plenty of rest, eat healthy food and not just pizza and beer. And Colonel, I want you to remain on base. I need to check you again in 3 days. No arguments, all right?" 

"Janet, we will make sure he takes care of himself." Daniel, Sam and Teal'c had entered just in time to hear Janet's threat. They would make sure Jack did exactly as ordered. The memory of Jack's torture was still very vivid in their minds. They did not want to see him back in this infirmary anytime soon. 

"Okay, okay, I'll follow Doctors orders." Jack would have agreed to anything to get out of here. Though this time, since his team had heard the orders, he knew they would make sure he did everything Janet had said. "Did anyone bring me my clothes?" 

Teal'c retrieved his BDU's from where he had stashed them earlier. 

"Thanks, Teal'c. Now, a little privacy, kids!" The team filed out of Jack's room with Janet not far behind. 

"Janet, how do you think the Colonel is really doing?" Concern was evident in Sam's question. 

"I think it's a wait and see game at this time. His injuries are healing. Emotionally, your guess is as good as mine. You all know how good he is at hiding his emotions. We all need to watch him very closely." 

"Are you releasing him for duty? You know he has been asked to be involved in the diplomatic relations with P4X379. Do you think he will be able to handle going back there with everything that happened?" Daniel wanted his friend to return with them to the planet, but still, he was concerned for his well being. 

"Daniel Jackson we will all be there to assist O'Neill if it is needed." Teal'c stoic as ever, summed it up. 

"Yes, Teal'c, we will." A slight grin appeared on Sam's face. Teal'c was so confident; he knew they would be able to help their CO. The air of confidence shown by the Jaffa made her think that just maybe everything would be okay. 

Jack walked out in the hall with a grin on his face. 

"I'm hungry, let's go find some real food." 

"Colonel, remember what I said." Janet laid her hand briefly on Jack's shoulder. "If you need me just call." 

"Thanks Janet, for everything." Jack's placed his hand over the small hand on his shoulder and squeezed it slightly. 

"Now, you three get him out of here. All my nurses are about to quit! You know, Colonel, you're Hell on the nursing staff." Janet knew she had been thanked for more than her medical skills. She watched the four friends walk down the hall and turn the corner out of sight. With a sigh, she headed back to her office. She hoped going back to that planet would not be a mistake. 

***************************************** 

Major Ferretti and SG-2 arrived on schedule. Jack was in the control room along with the rest of the team. General Hammond was anxious to get the debriefing started to learn how the negotiations were preceding. Major Ferretti reported the villagers were very excited about the prospect of becoming allies with Earth. The team was being treated with the utmost respect. 

"Colonel, Krozack is very excited about you returning to the planet. I think he wants to wait and finalize the agreement when you arrive." 

Everyone looked to Jack; they all wanted to see his reaction. But, his face showed no emotions. If he was feeling the least bit apprehensive, he was not showing it. 

"With General Hammond's permission, we will leave at 0800 tomorrow." 

"Permission granted Colonel, SG-2 you will accompany SG-1 on this mission. You have five days to complete negotiations. Dismissed. Colonel, a word please." General Hammond stood and walked to his office, expecting his Second to follow him. 

"Yes, Sir" 

Jack grimaced, knowing what was coming, "You think he figured out I put salt in the sugar bowl." He was relying on humor to cover his unease at the situation. 

"Jack, you better get in there, you are already in enough trouble." Though he did not show it, Daniel knew his friend had to be feeling a little stressed. 

The Colonel entered the General's office. 

"Sir, you wanted to talk to me?" 

"Yes, Colonel, sit down." Hammond watched as his 21C made his way into his office. "Jack, I wanted to make sure that you're comfortable with going back to P4X379. I know after what occurred there, this mission will be difficult. I will understand if you decide to sit this one out." 

"Sir, I am not saying I am looking forward to it, but it's something I need to do." 

General Hammond waited for his 21C to continue, but when it became evident no more words were forthcoming he decided to let his Officer off the hook. 

"All right, Colonel, get some rest. I'll see you at 0800 hours." 

*********************** 

Part 6 

SG-1 and SG-2 stood at the end of the ramp waiting for the seventh chevron to lock. 

"You have a go, people. Good luck." This was one mission General Hammond would be glad to see finished. This was going to be a long week. 

"Okay campers, let's go." With a quick salute to the control booth, Jack stepped through the wormhole, Daniel at his side. Teal'c and Sam following with SG-2 close behind. 

Jack emerged on the other side. Daniel was watching his friend closely for any signs of stress. Teal'c, Sam and SG-2 stepped out of the wormhole right behind Jack and Daniel. 

"Uh, oh.... deja’ vu" 

"O'Neill, what does that mean?" Teal'c found O'Neill's sayings so unusual. 

"It means we have been here and done this before." Daniel answered for his friend, knowing that Jack hated giving explanations. 

"Come on campers, let's go. Teal'c, take point, SG-2, you have our six." 

Jack was feeling uneasy; he knew it was not going to be a piece of cake. The further they hiked, the more nervous he was getting. He was gripping his M-16 so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Jack glanced at the rest of his team, they all appeared nervous. Even SG-2 seemed on edge. . Ferretti kept glancing from side to side. 

Jack decided to call a halt for the day. The camp was set up and they were having MRE's and coffee. Everyone was unusually quiet and still. In fact, the whole planet was too damn quiet. That was it, that uneasy feeling it was too quiet! Though Ferretti reported no trouble, Jack still decided to assign watch. In fact, he was going to double up on the watch. He just couldn't explain it, was just a feeling! 

"Daniel, you and I will take first watch. Ferretti and Johnson take second. Smith and Stevens take third. Teal'c and Sam take the last." No one questioned the double guard. 

By the time everyone was up and moving around, Daniel had made some coffee. They passed out MRE bars for breakfast. Again, the whole group was rather subdued. 

"Ferretti, how far do you think we are from the village?" 

"Colonel, I figure we should be there by 1300 hours. Hopefully, they will have a great big lunch ready for us." 

Teal'c was the first to notice the smell and see the smoke. The two teams cautiously approached the last hill and hunkered down. No one moved a muscle; devastation was all around them. All the huts had been burned; bodies were strewn all around. Jack ordered the teams to split up, Daniel, Sam and Teal'c followed behind Jack closely. Several times Jack paused to bow his head and rub his eyes. It was apparent from the wounds on the bodies that staff weapons caused them. Teal'c and Sam were checking out a man that appeared to be alive. 

"Colonel, its Krozack." 

Jack approached as the elder opened his eyes. He stared right at Jack and motioned for him to come closer. Jack knelt beside him and placed his hand on his shoulder. The officer knew there was nothing that could save this man. Krozack took the younger man's hand in his and held it firmly. 

"I only wish... more... Men were like... you. It was an honor. I'm sorry... for the... pain that we... caused you." He struggled to say these few words that held so much meaning. He drew his last breath; blank eyes stared at Jack. The Colonel gently placed his hand over the man's eyes and closed them. He stood and exhaled deeply, turned and walked away. 

"Oh, God. Sam, Teal'c! I need you over here." Daniel urgently called out to his friends. 

"Daniel?" Sam's eyes look down and saw the beautiful little girl that her CO had risked his life to save. She quickly looked up at the approaching footsteps. The blank, distant look on the Colonel's face was a frightening thing to see. He fell to his knees and gathered Lethea into his arms and held her tightly. The friends were still gathered around O’Neill when SG-2 arrived to report in. 

Ferretti took in the scene and motioned for his team to back off. Unfortunately, he had been witness to that same blank look on the Colonel's face before on the Abydos mission. He ordered his team to search for any tools that could be used for digging graves. 

Deciding their CO might need some time alone to say goodbye to the child, Teal'c, Sam and Daniel went to assist SG-2 with the gruesome task of burying the dead. 

Teal'c finally decided to approach Colonel O‘Neill. He stood beside his friend and gently squeezed his shoulder. The rest of SG-1 came to stand beside their friend and add their support. 

"O'Neill, we are burying the victims. Would you allow me to carry the child?" 

Jack looked up as if he had just noticed his team. The confused, blank, weary look in those brown eyes was something his friends hoped never to witness again. As he started to rise with the child in his arms, his knees buckled. Teal'c and Daniel were there to steady him. 

"Thanks," he barely murmured. "I'll carry Lethea." 

He walked toward the graves SG-2 had already dug. As he approached one of the graves, he laid the little girl beside it, removed his jacket and wrapped her in it. He took one of those little hands into his own and held it. Jack silently said a little prayer, the same prayer he had said at Charlie's funeral. He picked her up, ignoring the pain in his side, and gently placed her into the grave. 

Sam, Daniel and Teal'c flanked him on both sides. They were determined to do whatever was necessary to help their friend. The trouble was, they didn't have a clue what to do. As his friends watched, Jack picked up a handful of dirt and dropped it on the grave. They helped him cover the grave with dirt and placed a few rocks as a headstone. Their friend remained silent and continued to stand eerily still. The team decided to give Jack some privacy and slowly moved away. 

SG-2 was busy burying the dead. There were no survivors of this attack. The three remaining members of SG-1 came to help with the task of burying the victims. 

"Major Carter, the Colonel, is he alright?" a concerned Ferretti asked. 

"Ferretti, I don't know. He has been through so much in the last couple of weeks; I can't believe this is happening. Damn, the Goa'uld. My God, they destroyed a whole race of people. Why didn't they use them for hosts? This makes no sense!" 

"Major. It was mass murder, nothing new to war. You know that. The Colonel has seen vicious acts like this, many times before." He glanced over to O‘Neill. "Why do I get the feeling this tragedy is affecting him differently than the rest?" 

"I think he endured so much to prove we were worthy of their friendship and then to see them all dead. You were here with these villagers; you know they were good people. I was so upset and angry with them for what they did to the Colonel, but I don't think he was ever really angry with them. And the little girl, you know how he is with kids. He made friends with her. " She glanced over toward her CO. As she watched, he turned and walked away toward the woods. Sam motioned for Teal'c to follow him. The big Jaffa silently walked in the direction their friend had disappeared. 

There had been no more signs of the Goa'uld, but still they needed to be sure. No one, not even their CO, was allowed to be alone due to the possible danger from hostiles. But even more than the threat of the Goa'uld, the Colonel did not need to be left alone at this time. He needed his friends to help him survive this latest tragedy that had been forced his way. 

Jack wandered aimlessly through the forest. He had to clear his mind and get control over his emotions. God, how could this happen? There had been many other atrocities he had witnessed, but somehow this seemed so senseless. Even though he had been subjected to various types of torture, he knew deep down these were good people. Yes, their actions were extreme to put it kindly, but were developed from many years of mistrust. Krozack was responsible for the safety of his people, and he had done what was necessary to ensure this. Oh, and that little girl with those big brown eyes and shining smile. Jack's heart ached knowing he would never see that smile again. The soldier leaned against a tree and wearily scrubbed his hands across his face. Trying desperately to banish the bad memories from his tortured soul, O’Neill sank to his knees and cradled his head in his hands. 

Teal'c stood at a distance and observed his friend, giving him the privacy to grieve in his own way. But also close enough to help if it was needed. He knew O'Neill would not ask for help, but the remaining members of SG-1 would be there for him regardless. 

"Teal'c, what are you doing here?" Obviously, Jack had been aware the big Jaffa was on guard. He had learned to count on it and Teal'c felt it was his responsible to keep the entire team safe. The big man was always in the right place, at the right time. 

"O'Neill, we cannot be sure if all the Goa'uld have left the area." 

"Come on let's go back and help the others." The two men walked in silence, knowing no words were necessary. 

"Ferretti, we're going to need additional support here. Take your team and go back to the Stargate and request back up. We need help with burying the dead. And watch yourselves, as Teal'c so eloquently reminded me, we're not sure if this area is secure. I expect you back in 36 hours." The Colonel was beginning to sound like his old self again. But one look in those lifeless, weary brown eyes told a different story. Teal'c, Sam and Daniel shared a concerned look. 

"Yes Sir, hold down the fort ‘til we get back." 

"Ferretti," the Colonel pulled the officer away from the others. "We'll make camp beyond that hill to the east." Jack knew this action would not help them forget what had occurred here, but he felt the team needed some distance away from the horrific scene. 

Daniel walked over to his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn't have a clue how to help Jack get through this latest act of violence. 

"Jack, are you okay?" Such a stupid, simple question, but he didn't know how else to ask it. If only he could get his best friend to open up and share his thoughts. Was it only last week that Jack had decided to share a small part of his past that tormented him? It seemed so long ago so much had happened since that night. 

Jack turned and faced his friend; he knew his team was concerned about him. Hell, he was concerned about himself. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel. He was mad as hell, he almost wished those damn Goa'uld would show up. Oh, how good it would feel to blow a few dozens of those Snakeheads to Hell! 

"Daniel, I'm fine." 

Sam and Teal'c walked up beside the two men. 

"Sir, there's not much more we can do today. The sun will be down in a few hours." 

"I know, Major. Teal'c and Daniel set up camp beyond that hill to the east. Carter and I will join you soon. Major, let's finish up what we can here." Their CO walked away with Carter close behind. 

"Teal'c, you heard the man, let's go." 

Daniel and Teal'c had a camp set up in record time, not wasting any time or energy on words. Both were lost in their own thoughts, their CO topping the list. When Sam and Jack arrived a short time later, a dinner of coffee and MRE's were ready and waiting. 

"SG-2 with backup should arrive in a few days. We'll get a game plan started on how to best handle this situation. Any ideas, thoughts on why they were killed instead of used for hosts?" The Colonel apparently had regained his commanding attitude. 

"O'Neill, the Goa'uld often kill for the enjoyment. There does not have to be a reason." Teal'c as always stated the facts. 

No one responded to the explanation. They were all too aware the truth that simple statement held. The rest of the night was spent with each team member left with angry thoughts of this senseless act. 

It would be difficult to sleep tonight, even though they were all exhausted. The next few days were going to be very difficult for them all, they would at least need to try and sleep. The team sat around the small fire hoping to give some support and comfort to each other. 

Jack knew what the Goa'uld were capable of, God he had seen the devastation that had been directed toward other civilizations. He had seen death and total destruction before on his own world. Individuals capable of the most hideous and unimaginable acts aimed at innocent victims. Maybe he was indeed getting too old for all this. Jack could not get a grip on his emotions. Normally he would push the pain and hurt deep into that place in his head hoping it would never surface again. But the memories always resurface in the form of nightmares. Jack had no doubt this incident would add another vivid, real nightmare to the collection. Yet, he was still living this one, it did not have to wait for sleep. He could still feel Krozack's hand on his as the life slipped from it. He could still see and feel that precious child's face and arms around him. Jack could feel the emotions flooding to the surface; he clenched his fists to push them down. 

Daniel was watching his friend closely. He saw the mirage of emotions flash across his face. For a split second he though Jack was going to lose it. God, he looked so tired. Daniel knew Jack was not fully healed from his ordeal. He saw his friend stand and walk away into the darkness. He glanced toward Sam and Teal'c, not sure what to do. They all knew their CO didn't like to be pushed or forced into any situation that was not his idea. It was obvious Jack wanted to be alone. They also knew Jack wouldn't wander far from camp. 

Jack found a dark, secluded place high on the hill still within site of camp. He lay on his back and tried to find some comfort from the twinkling lights that shone above. The military man had built an observatory on his roof for nights just like this one. It was his place to gain some solace from all the nightmares that threatened to overwhelm him. He had lived with these nightmares for most of his adult life. But tonight Jack felt overwhelmed at the flood of emotions washing over him. He wished he had a punching bag available though it probably would not endure the attack. The raw misery was threatening to suck him into that deep, dark hole he had slipped in after Charlie's death. 

Only this time the Colonel was not even sure he wanted to escape it. All his strength and courage seemed to have been sucked from his very being. The fierce determination normally present was absent. Jack knew for his team's sake that he needed to slip that mask of calm control back in place. After the team returned home there would be time for him to deal with his despair. Right now, his team needed him to be strong. He rose slowly and took a deep, cleansing breath, scrubbed his hand across his face and walked back to camp. 

"Jack, you okay?" Again Daniel knew the question was lame. It didn't begin to express everything he wanted to know. He noticed the face of his friend held no emotion; even his normally expressive eyes were void of emotion. 

"Yes, Daniel, I was just checking the perimeter." The Colonel knew it was a lame response, but he had to keep the emotions pushed down deep. He knew Daniel wanted nothing more than to help. Help he really did not desire or deserve. Jack was used to accepting responsibility; he was convinced that somehow he was responsible for the attack on these people. Perhaps, since Jack had convinced Krozack to trust strangers again, he had been blind to the danger when the Goa'uld had arrived. 

For a brief moment the controlled mask had slipped and Daniel watched the emotions flash across Jack's face. But the Colonel had years of practice hiding his emotions and just as quickly the mask was back. Daniel could not help but think that Jack's very soul was being torn apart. Daniel glanced toward his teammates and saw in their eyes that they felt the grief also. 

"You, guys try and get some sleep. I will take first watch. Major, see you in 2. Daniel the next is yours, Teal'c you take the last watch." Precise and confident Jack issued the orders. 

Jack settled in for the night, standing watch over this team that had become his friends and family. Damn, life was so complicated now. For years he had not allowed anyone to get close to him, but somehow these three people had become very important to him. He had vowed after Charlie died and Sara left that he would shut the door on anyone trying to open it. But Daniel had been his savior; he had shown Jack life was worth living again. And now once again, he had lost people that had become important to him. The Colonel would stand watch over his team and ensure their safety; he could not bear to lose them also. Jack heard a noise and looked to find Teal'c approaching his position. Damn, he could not believe the night was almost gone. Ferretti should be here in a few days with support. Jack was never so ready to end a mission and return home. 

"O'Neill, why did you not wake Major Carter?" His CO looked even more exhausted this morning. Being a proud man he knew Jack would never admit to the fact that he was not fully recovered from his injuries. The big Jaffa made a vow to himself to watch his friend closely. 

"Teal'c, let's start breakfast." Jack deliberately ignored the question. 

Sam and Daniel started stirring around and had soon joined Teal'c and Jack for a breakfast of MRE bars and coffee. 

"Sir, did you try and wake me. I must have been more tired than I realized." Sam knew her CO had taken first watch so he would not have to sleep. He probably thought his team needed the rest more than him, or at least that was how he had justified it. But Sam suspected the real reason was fear of the ever-present nightmares. Those dark brown eyes were now almost black, no life to them. It was very disturbing to see him like this. He was their rock, no matter how hopeless a situation; their CO always had a plan of action. But this time he seemed different. 

"No, Carter, I wasn't sleepy. Besides, I know how cranky you and Daniel get without enough sleep." Jack was trying to divert the conversation away from him. Humor no matter how bad, usually did the trick. Daniel took the bait. 

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Jack!" 

"Well, I aim to please, Daniel. Besides it's the truth. You are cranky in the morning." 

"At least I'm not cranky all the time." Daniel was enjoying this bantering session with Jack. Even Sam chuckled softly, and Teal'c, well he smirked. The friends were enjoying this release from the stress they were feeling. 

"Sir, do we continue with the burials, or wait for back-up to arrive?" The Major hated to end this playful moment, but the sooner this gruesome task was accomplished, the sooner they could go home. 

"Yes, Major, we continue. Let's go" With that short response, their CO rose to his feet and stalked toward the site of the massacre. 

As Jack approached the top of the hill, he abruptly stopped. God, he was not looking forward to returning to this site of destruction. During his lifelong commitment to the military, he had been witnessed to many acts of brutality and death. O’Neill, unlike some military personnel, was still affected by such useless acts. He had a head full of unpleasant memories that he kept buried from those around him. 

"Jack, are you feeling okay?" The paleness of his friend's face and the stiffness in his walk had not escaped Daniel's scrutiny. He had also noticed how tired Jack looked. Janet had warned them to watch him closely. She had his ribs tightly wrapped, but the list of dos and don'ts probably did not include digging graves and carrying the dead. Jack would never admit to weakness, he would keep going until he collapsed from exhaustion. 

"I'm fine, Daniel. Stop your worrying! Let's get started." 

The team had decided to move all the bodies to one location. Jack hoped Ferretti would get here with the haz-mat team tomorrow. The temperature was not hot but it was warm enough to be causing problems. SG-1 was not prepared for this type of situation. 

Jack's ribs were beginning to protest the activity of the last few days and of his current task of moving the bodies. His breathing was coming in short gasps and he felt nauseous. As the team watched, Jack was holding his side and moved toward the trees. He fell to his knees and started retching. The odors from the bodies were assaulting his senses. They watched as he rose slowly and started walking back toward them. Teal'c moved closer to him, but Jack's knees buckled and he fell to the ground. Teal'c reached his friend first and gently but firmly held him down. His CO's face was covered with sweat and he was trying to gain control over his breathing. His eyes were squeezed tight and his face was contorted with pain. 

"O'Neill, please remain still." 

Daniel and Sam hurried to their friend. Sam checked his pulse and found it to be fast. 

"Sir, try and relax. Let me examine your ribs and side." Sam lifted his black tee shirt and checked the bindings on the ribs. The brace Janet had placed to support the fractured ribs appeared to be fine. The knife wound was barely visible because of the bindings, but there did not appear to be any bleeding. Jack's breathing and heart rate seemed to be improving. But it was apparent he was still in pain. 

"Jack, you are putting to much stress on your fractured ribs. Teal’c and I can handle this until SG-2 returns." Daniel knew the Colonel had been digging graves and carrying the dead. 

"Broken ribs, Daniel, go figure. They hurt like hell. I'll be fine." 

"No, Jack, you are not fine!" Daniel's anger was evident. "Sam, I think we should go home. Let SG-2 finish this. He needs to be in the infirmary." 

"Damnit, Daniel. I am in command here; you will do as I say. Is that understood? We are not leaving until back-up arrives." From the Colonel's tone of voice, there would be not discussion. He would not leave these bodies at the mercy of wild animals. With the help of Teal'c he struggled to his feet. He realized he had been harsh with Daniel. 

"Look, Daniel, as soon as Ferretti gets here, we'll go back. And I promise, no more hard labor, we will just stand guard and keep the fire going. Deal?" Jack hoped his friend understood the ramifications of leaving these bodies unguarded. Daniel nodded his head and accepted these terms. 

"Sir, you need to rest awhile." 

"Yes, Major, we could all use a break. Does anyone have water they wish to share with a broken-down old Colonel?" That brought the anticipated smiles from his team. Sam passed him a canteen and he sipped slowly. Jack led the team to a shaded area that was in close proximity but still far enough away to get a break from the surroundings. 

The team sat in companionable silence. Their concern for their CO had not lessened despite his insistence. They could tell he was in a lot of pain, because he wasn't able to hide it this time. "Sir, didn't Janet give you some pain medication?" 

"Yes, Major, she did." Obviously this discussion was over as far as Jack was concerned. He didn't want a damn pain pill; he wanted all this to be a bad dream. 

The team made sure Jack stuck to light duty the rest of the day. Until back up arrived with equipment there was not much to be done. Sam and Teal'c both realized the reason their CO had insisted on staying. But Daniel's concern for his best friend had clouded his thinking. He still felt they should have returned to the SGC. 

Part 7 

SG-1 returned to camp for the night. Daniel busied himself with making coffee and chicken. At least that's what the packages said. Daniel was never sure what he was eating. To him it was another sick military joke. It was unbelievable to him they forced the men and women that were fighting for their country to eat this stuff. He figured someone could have made them taste a little better. Jack was always telling him he would get used to them, but it had been more than 3 years and he still didn't like them. Daniel glanced to his friend and noticed he had not touched his meal. 

"So, Jack, have you decided you no longer like MRE's?" 

"I'm just not very hungry, Daniel. Here, take mine, I know how much you like this stuff." Jack passed his bowl to Daniel, still trying to keep up the charade. Damn, he felt so drained. His ribs were really aching. All he had been able to hold down was water. Maybe, he should reconsider and take a pain pill. The team watched as Jack moved over to his backpack and removed a pill bottle. They gave each other a covert look; all surprised their CO was taking anything for the pain. Jack knew the team was watching him closely. 

"O'Neill, on a scale from one to ten, how much pain are you experiencing?" 

Jack glared at the big Jaffa, "Teal'c, you're spending way too much time around Doc Fraiser." He ignored the question. 

"O'Neill, in order for us to assist you, we need to know this information." 

It would have been funny, if he had been badgering someone else. In fact, Jack would have been encouraging the big man. But, it was not funny; this was Jack he was asking. 

"Teal'c like I said, I'm fine." The irritation was clearly evident in his voice. 

Teal'c very seldom showed any emotion, but it was plain to see the disappointment clearly in his face. He had hoped their friend would allow them to help him. He clearly was in pain and Teal'c felt it was important to know the severity. 

It was evident to Jack; he had made a mistake in not answering the question. He was trying to alleviate some of the concern, but it was clear he had just added to it. 

"Five!" It was spoken softly, but the team clearly heard him. Jack looked Teal'c in the eyes and nodded his head. A silent thanks to this big man who had become as important to him as the rest of the team. Teal'c returned the gesture. The rest of the team also understood the true meaning behind these gestures. Both warriors held a fierce loyalty and respect for each other. 

Okay, now Sam was really concerned. Five, damn, that meant about an eight for anyone else. They would have to watch him very closely. How she wished Janet was here? Hopefully, back up would be here tomorrow and then they could go home. This was one place she would not miss. Though, she feared she would never be able to forget it. She entertained the thought that perhaps Ferretti would bring Janet back with them. He had certainly realized the negative impact all of this was having on the Colonel. 

"Okay, people I will take first watch." 

"Not tonight, Colonel, you need to rest. I'll take first watch, Teal'c you take second, Daniel you get to make the coffee." Sam interrupted her CO; she could not allow him to go without sleep for another night. 

"Major, I give the orders, here." It was difficult to make the sharp reply believable; his eyes were drooping. 

"Sir, get some sleep. You can court-martial me in the morning." 

When she glanced toward her CO, he was already making his way toward his tent. Hopefully, his frequent nightmares would leave him alone tonight. Teal'c and Daniel both looked at Sam; with the unspoken vow they would keep watch over their CO. 

The team had decided to forget their tents and sleep in bags by Jack's tent. Daniel woke up to the tossing and mumbling coming from inside the tent. He nodded to Teal'c and crept inside. It was apparent that his friend was suffering from another nightmare. Jack's face was covered with sweat and his eyes tightly shut. His tossing was becoming more and more agitated. Daniel placed his hands on his friend's shoulder and held him still. Jack continued to fight and mumble incoherently. It was becoming more difficult to restrain him. Daniel was afraid he would damage his ribs further. 

He yelled for Teal'c to assist, but the tents did not have a lot of room. Teal'c decided the best course of action would be to drag Jack, sleeping bag and all out of the tent. Once, Jack was outside, Teal'c firmly but gently shook his friend. Jack's eyes flew open but he continued to fight and now, yell. Daniel was not sure but he thought his friend was cursing in Arabic. Teal'c held him firmly in place, until the unfocused, frightened eyes and trembling body started to calm down and relax. As Jack became aware of his surroundings, he recognized Daniel and Teal'c. He also became aware of the severe pain, and a coughing spell overtook him. Teal'c and Daniel helped him to sit and with a soft moan he collapsed against Teal'c. The big man held his friend firmly, until the coughing subsided. Daniel held some water to his lips and Jack sipped it slowly. 

Sam had watched carefully as her CO had once again been subjected to the torture of reliving his past. She assumed that whatever Razteb had given him had forced these memories to resurface once again. She knew that her CO had lived with nightmares most of his life. But something had certainly made them more severe lately and she placed the blame on the Spiritual Leader. 

"Jack, do you want to talk about it?" 

"No, Daniel." It was all too real, that damn Iraqi Prison. These nightmares were all so real. Jack usually could keep these memories buried. God, he was just so tired. He wondered briefly if he should take another pain pill, but those things just made him sleepy. He didn't think he could handle another nightmare, he would just tough it out and stay awake. Pain he could tolerate, those damn dreams he couldn't. Not right now, not with all this other stuff. He decided to go and sit closer to the fire. If he didn't move around too much, his ribs shouldn't bother him. Jack had made up his mind; he would be awake the rest of the night. 

Teal'c nodded to Major Carter and Daniel, a confirmation that he would stand watch over their CO. Teal'c felt honored to be fighting beside this human who had become his friend. From the beginning, O'Neill had shown him respect and kindness, when so many others had simply treated him as a lab rat. His CO had fought the SGC and Politicians to get him a place on SG-1. He had once asked O'Neill why he was not afraid of him and his reply had been simple. 'Teal'c I watched you fight a God, in that moment I knew all I needed to know about you.' Teal'c had been surprised the Colonel had trusted him so easily, only later did he realize O'Neill had relied on instincts for survival many years. And those instincts had been a deciding factor in trusting him. SG-1 also had come to rely on those same instincts. Many times their CO had sensed danger before it became apparent. 

Teal'c watched O'Neill relax beside the fire. Pain was still evident in the man's face. The big Jaffa knew his friend was determined not to sleep anymore tonight. This tragedy had deeply affected the military man, he only hoped he could learn to live with it. His friend had a habit of accepting full responsibility and carrying those burdens alone. He, like Daniel Jackson, feared that one day these burdens would become too heavy for him to carry. 

As morning approached, Jack moved around to check for any discomfort or pain. 'Oh, yeah, definitely still pain. Better take it slow, Jack' He hoped the support team would show up today. If there was a team available, and Hammond did not have to recall one, they should arrive as scheduled. Jack would be happy to turn this particular duty over to another team. 

"Sir, Teal'c and I will check on the situation." Major Carter knew there would be no argument from her CO. She didn't think he had the energy to argue; he looked exhausted. 

"Good plan, Major. Daniel, I suppose you are going keep me company?" 

******************************************** 

Major Louis Ferretti and SG-2 arrived with the haz-mat team later that day. Luckily, Dr. Janet Fraiser had also joined them. Major Ferretti had explained to Dr. Fraiser want had transpired on the planet. He had also voiced some concerns about a certain Colonel, off the record of course. Ferretti had made sure the good Doctor had agreed to that. 

"Ferretti, it's about time. Glad you're here!" 

"Good to see you, Colonel" Ferretti was glad Dr. Fraiser had agreed to come along; the Colonel appeared to be getting worse. Even the Major could detect the lines of pain on his face. 

"Hi, Doc! Missed me?" 

"Well, actually, Colonel my nurses sent me to retrieve their favorite patient. It's entirely too quiet in the infirmary." She could play along with his games. "Colonel, I need to check your vitals. Please lay down." Janet lifted his wrist and found his heart rate a little elevated, but under these circumstances it was not surprising. "Sir, are you experiencing any discomfort?" 

Janet turned to the three voices that chimed out, "Yes." SG-1 apparently felt there was a possibility their CO would be less than truthful in his answer. Janet had to suppress a smile when she saw the look on Jack's face. 

"Well, Colonel, how bad is the pain? You know the routine, on the scale." 

"You know, Doc, you've even got Teal'c using those damn numbers." 

"Colonel, you didn't answer my question." 

"Now, a four. Yesterday ...... maybe a five." Jack said that last part so low; she could barely hear him. 

'Damn,' Janet thought, 'he never admits to that.' She helped him to remove his T-shirt. The brace still appeared to be supporting the ribs. The knife wound was red and there appeared to be some infection. She removed the brace and gently felt the fractured ribs. She listened to his heart and lungs; they appeared to be clear. Gently she laid her hand against his forehead and could feel the fever radiating from it. He looked exhausted and was pale. 

"Colonel, have you been eating?" 

"Uh... no." 

Daniel interjected, "Janet, he's been throwing up." 

"Thanks, Daniel for that play by play." The irritation was evident in Jack's voice. Way too much help from his team, he thought. 

"Well, Colonel it sounds like you haven't been following my instructions. I think you have been too active and have aggravated the fractured ribs, maybe even misplaced one. I'm going to put the brace back on, but you have got to take it slow and easy. Now, it's going to be tight, but we need to keep them immobilized. There appears to be some infection from the knife wound and you have a fever. SG-2 can handle the situation here; I want you back in the infirmary. No arguments, Colonel." 

Janet could not believe the devastation that surrounded them. The Colonel had insisted he needed to go to the site before they left. She watched as he went to one of the graves and knelt, his head bowed. Janet looked to Sam with a question in her eyes. 

"That's the child the Colonel had saved. The other grave is Krozack's." 

Well, at least now the Doctor knew why her patient was in such poor shape. He obviously had pushed himself beyond his limit to insure these victims were paid the proper respect. There were many more victims to be buried, but the haz-mat team could handle that. The sooner she could get the Colonel away from all this the better. She hoped he then could begin to heal both physically and emotionally. She looked to see him walking away from Major Ferretti and toward them. 

"Okay, Doc let's hit the road." 

She would need to insure he took it slow going back to the Stargate. Frequent rest breaks would be needed, though she knew he would not like that idea. Teal'c would be there if needed. The big Jaffa was very strong and on several occasions the team members had to rely on him to get them back to the Stargate. Though she knew the Colonel would fight to stay on his feet; he was a stubborn man. 

The team arrived at the Gate and Jack was still standing barely; the last few miles had been very difficult for him. 

"Daniel, dial it up. Let's go home." Jack sounded exhausted. Jack motioned for his team to enter the wormhole. "I'm right behind you, go." Teal'c stood beside him as Daniel, Janet and Sam entered the event horizon. Jack turned to take one last look at this planet that had made such an impact on him. He didn't know if it was good or bad .The Colonel had mixed emotions concerning this whole ordeal. He turned and climbed the stairs with Teal'c by his side. They entered the shimmering water and disappeared. 

Janet, Sam and Daniel anxiously awaited the arrival of their team members. General Hammond had joined them on the ramp. 

Teal'c and Jack exited the wormhole and started walking down the ramp. 

"We're back, Sir." The Colonel's flippant remark did nothing to hide the dark shadows in his eyes. 

"Colonel, report to the infirmary. We will debrief at 0900 tomorrow." General Hammond saw the haunted look his 21C had on his face, despite the sarcastic remarks. This was a troubled man. He turned and watched them walk away, exhaling a deep breath. 

"Of course, the infirmary. Lead on, Doc." 

After all the x-rays and tests had come back, Dr. Fraiser decided he needed rest more than anything. He had pushed himself to the point of exhaustion. The ribs had been stressed, but they should be as good as new in maybe a week or two. He would also need to take a round of antibiotics for the infection. Providing he agreed to follow instructions, Janet was going to let him go home tomorrow. She knew for a fact that the General was going to put them on stand-down for seven days. Janet was going to make sure Sam, Teal'c and Daniel would look in on the Colonel several times during that week. And of course she would check him also, during that time. If not here, she had been known to make house calls when a certain nameless Colonel had skipped his check- ups. Janet left her office to go see the Colonel and give him the good news. She was afraid he would fight to go home tonight, but when she approached his bed she found him fast asleep. His team was standing watch over him, and all looked at her with smiles on their faces. 

"Janet, I figured we would have to tie him to the bed to get him to stay. Boy, he must be tired. He did not even put up a fight." 

"Daniel, how long has it been since he has slept?" 

"I don't think he really rested at all on the planet. He is still having nightmares, and we think..." Daniel looked to Sam and Teal'c for confirmation. "...He is afraid to go to sleep." 

Janet motioned for the team to follow her. She wanted to let them know she was letting him go home tomorrow, but she expected them to check on Jack several times during the week. They assured her they would keep an eye on him and make sure he came in for his check-ups with her and that he was following her instructions. Teal and Daniel had decided they would take turns sitting with him tonight. If he had a nightmare, one of them wanted to be there to help him. 

************************** 

Part 8 

The next morning, Janet released her patient. Before going home, they had a briefing to tend to. The debriefing was a solemn affair with Daniel and Sam doing most of the talking. Dr. Fraiser had asked to sit in on it. She had wanted to observe the Colonel for his reactions. But he had his emotions concealed, not showing any reactions to the report that was given. The General looked to his 21C frequently, waiting for a response, but he offered no information. 

"Colonel, do you have anything to add?" General Hammond was still hoping his officer would offer some input. 

"No, Sir. I think Daniel and Major Carter about covered everything." Jack's voice was monotone. Again, there was no emotion. 

"SG-1, you do realize there was no way to predict this would happen? There was nothing we could do to stop this attack." General Hammond was concerned the team was feeling responsible for this horrible attack. 

"Yes, Sir." All but Jack's voice was heard. 

"SG-1 you are on stand-down for seven days. Colonel O'Neill, Dr. Fraiser has informed me you can go home. Please, don't make her come to your house for you check-up. Dismissed." Obviously, the good Doctor had requested the General to encourage the Colonel into keeping his appointment. 

General Hammond and Dr. Fraiser watched as SG-1 filed out of the Briefing Room. Both shared a worried glance concerning the Colonel. 

"So, Jack, do you want company?" Daniel asked. 

"Daniel, I'm really tired, I plan on going home and sleeping away the entire week." Jack had looked forward to his time alone, he knew Daniel was worried about him, but he needed some time to himself. "Check in with me later in the week, maybe we can get together for dinner and watch some hockey. See you guys later." 

The three friends watched as Jack walked to his jeep and drove away. Jack was so glad to be home again. An empty, quiet house where he could hopefully start to gather his thoughts and banish the demons that had been hammering to escape. The Colonel took a relaxing hot shower and put on a worn pair of jeans topped with a comfortable sweatshirt. His favorite chair in the den was calling his name. The relaxing shower along with the familiar surroundings lulled him to sleep. 

As Jack woke- up he was aware of a couple of things, it was dark outside and he was hungry. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. No Food, as usual. "Damn," Jack cursed out loud, grabbed a beer and decided to order a pizza. Having finished several beers and eaten most of a large pizza while watching a hockey game, Jack was feeling better than he had in weeks. Engrossed in the game, he tried to ignore the doorbell. After, several rings Jack decided that whoever was there was not giving up, he opened the door to the three smiling faces of his team. 

"Oh for crying out loud, don't you guys have a life?" 

"Good to see you, too! Aren't you going to invite us in?" Daniel was anxious to check on his friend. Jack had seemed fine earlier when he had left the base, maybe a little quiet. He seemed to have accepted what happened and moved on. Still, the team had decided to pay a surprise visit, just to make sure. 

"Yeah, sure, you betcha!" Jack moved aside and his friends filed into his den. Just like always they moved to their normal sitting areas. Jack laughed to himself, thinking they were creatures of habit. Sam and Daniel on the sofa, and Teal'c, well he never sits, standing in front of the fireplace. Jack flopped down into his favorite chair and waited for the questions to start. 

"Sir, how are you feeling? Your ribs, I mean." Sam had long ago realized not to ask general questions of her CO. It was too easy for him to evade them. 

"You all heard what the Doc said, I'm healing fine. Stop worrying about me. The only exercise I'm going to get is to walk from the chair to the fridge. And the remote is not heavy!" All Jack really wanted was some time alone. 

"O'Neill, since we are here, can we watch the game of hockey with you?" 

"Teal'c, it's _hockey game_. Sure, you guys want a drink?" They had done it again, this team could always find a way to 'sneak in the back door' as the saying goes. Actually, Jack admitted that it felt pretty damn good to have friends surrounding him. 

"Well, Jack I still don't see how you can possibly enjoy watching grown men beat each other to a pulp. And chasing that black piece of rubber up and down that ice, how can that possibly be fun!" The archeologist knew how much his best friend loved hockey, but he would never understand that game! 

"Fun, it's more than fun. Hockey is a way of life! It's more than a game, it's the only game." 

"Sir, are we a little obsessed with this sport?" The Colonel was really sounding like his old self. The Major was beginning to think maybe all their concerns were for nothing. 

"Damn right, there's nothing better." 

Sam and Daniel cracked up laughing. Teal'c raised eyebrow indicated his confusion. 

 

A grin plastered across Jack's face as the buzzer ended the game and his favorite team won. "Alright, what a game!" Now, you kids go home and get some sleep, which is what I am going to do." 

Jack watched as his friends got in their car and left. He had told them the truth, he was doing fine. Tossing aside clothes as he walked to his bedroom, he flopped on the bed dressed in a T-shirt and boxers, looking forward to a good night's sleep. 

***************************************** 

"Well, guys, Jack does seem to be doing okay." 

"Yeah, Daniel I think he has filed it away with all his other bad memories." 

"Yes, that is the way it appears." Daniel and Sam both looked at Teal'c. Something in his voice did not sound convinced. They had both learned to trust the big Jaffa's instinct. 

"Teal'c you don't seemed convinced the Colonel is doing all that great." 

"Major Carter, I am just saying that sometimes things are not the way they appear to be. I think it would be wise if we keep dropping by, as the saying goes." 

****************************************** 

Jack awoke with a gasp, his heart pounding sweat covering his body. He felt disoriented; all his thoughts were muddled. Something about a little girl, begging him for help and another child with big beautiful eyes and long brown hair wrapping her arms around him. But all he saw was death, a child dying despite his best effort to save her. And a child in a grave wrapped in his jacket and Charlie lying in a puddle of blood. "O God." Jack gasped struggling to catch his breath. His aching ribs were reminding him of his weakness. 

Jack struggled to his trembling legs and staggered to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face trying desperately to calm himself and wash away the nightmare. O’Neill thought he had pushed these memories deep down, but once again they had escaped to torment him. He quickly pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt and climbed to the sanctuary on the top of his house. The stars had always been able to give him some comfort; tonight he hoped it would be no different. 

Jack was not sure how long he had been on the roof. In his haste, he had failed to grab a jacket or put on his boots and he was getting cold. The climb down the ladder took a little longer; Jack's fractured ribs were really hurting. Once inside the house, he went to the cabinet to retrieve a bottle of whiskey. The man hoped this would chase away the demons. Though, he had tried before to drown out the pain and it always came back. He slowly eased into his chair holding his ribs and started nursing the bottle. 

Jack opened his eyes to glass breaking; he had passed out and had dropped the empty bottle. Glass scattered across the floor. 

"Damn," he jumped up and promptly bent over in pain. "Smart move, Jack, real smart," he gasped. He straightened slowly and walked to the sofa and lay down. He debated whether or not to take one of the pain pills Janet had forced on him. No, Jack thought. He knew not to mix drugs and alcohol. He decided he could handle the pain. His arm still protectively wrapped around his ribs, he fell asleep. 

Jack was very sluggish, but sober as he woke up. He lay still and tried to focus on the night before. 'Oh, yeah a bottle of whiskey. No wonder my brain is mush. Real smart, Jack.' Slowly rising to his feet he was aware of the increased pain in his side, probably from sleeping in an uncomfortable position on the sofa, he rationalized to himself. He also realized he probably needed to eat, but with no food in the house he needed to make a quick trip to the store. 

Jack grabbed his coat and put on his boots. The convenience store on the corner was the closet place and probably the only thing open this early in the morning. As Jack exited his jeep, an angry voice caught his attention from the other side of the parking lot. He noticed a man restraining a small child with a woman trying desperately to get the child from the big man's clutches. The man was attempting to get the young boy into the car. The military man hated stepping into a situation without knowing all the details, but there was no way he could walk away. For God's Sake, it could be a kidnapping. Jack walked over to car and decided to confront the angry man. 

"Hey, is there a problem, here?" 

"No problem, get lost!" With an abrupt turn, the angry man turned to face Jack. "You don't want to get involved here." 

"Yes, please help me." The woman was crying. "We're divorced and he is trying to take my child!" 

"Let's say we make a call to the local PD and let them sort this out." Jack was trying to defuse the situation before it got completely out of hand. 

"Let's say we don't!" The man was becoming belligerent. 

The man released his hold on the child and took a swing at Jack. The Colonel having extensive hand to hand combat training easily restrained the man. Jack turned to the woman. "You and your son leave. Go on!" He looked around hoping to get someone to call the police for him. "Damn, where is everybody?" 

"Oh, we are here. Dave, what's going on here?" 

"This jerk stuck his nose into my business! I told you to leave, now you're going to pay!" The assailant shook loose from Jack and motioned for his two cohorts to restrain him. 

'Oh, yeah, really bad day. Should have stayed on the roof,' Jack thought, 'Can't get a break.' He realized he would have to fight these big goons. One of them grabbed and held his arms while the other two took turns hitting him. Jack managed to flip the big guy behind him over his head and the man landed in a heap tangled with the others. 

Jack was trying to distance himself from them, his ribs had taken the abuse and his breathing was ragged. But the goons continued to stalk him. They surrounded and started their assault once again and Jack soon slid to the ground. On a good day, these morons would be no threat to the Colonel but he was still recovering from his previous injuries. Somewhere in the distance, Jack thought he heard sirens, figuring it was about time. 

"Dave, let's get out of here!" He couldn't resist one last kick to the wounded man lying on the ground. They jumped into their vehicles and sped away. 

Jack was slowly getting to his feet, as the police arrived. 

"What happened here? Somebody reported a fight!" The officer was looking for answers. He could see the man had been beaten. 

"Mark, call for an ambulance. We can get the story at the hospital. What is your name?" The officer looked at the man in front of him with obvious concern. He grabbed Jack's arm to help him sit back down. He really didn't know how he had been able to get to his feet because he was swaying dangerously. 

"No, I'm fine. I'm not going to any hospital!" Jack struggled; he just wanted to go home. 

"Look, it's apparent, there was a fight, here. Do you know who did this? How many were there? We can't force you to seek medical help, but you look like you need it. I really need to know your name." 

"Jack O'Neill and this was just a misunderstanding. Look, can I come to the station later and answer your questions? I just want to go home." 

"Mr. O’Neill at least let us drive you home." The officer knew he could not force the man to accept the offered ride home. 

"No, I’ll be okay. I don’t live far from here." He really just wanted to be home and lying on the sofa. He had completely forgotten about being hungry and the reason for this trip. 

"Well, Mr. O'Neill, I need your address and phone number and then you are free to leave. But I expect you to come down to the station and give me descriptions of the assailants. You really need to seek medical help. This is my name and number if you need anything."he said, handing the Colonel a business card. The officer just shook his head at his partner and after gathering the requested information; he assisted Jack to his car. 

Once Jack was inside his Jeep, and the officers had left he allowed his defenses down and leaned against the steering wheel to regain his strength. Once the pain had subsided to a more bearable level, he drove home. He entered his house and immediately made his way to the bathroom to clean up. Looking in the mirror he saw the damage done to his face, he had several cuts and his nose was bleeding. But what took his breath away was the increased pain from his ribs and chest. That last kick had inflicted more damage to the already weakened area. Jack stripped down and stepped into the shower hoping the hot water would help relieve some of the discomfort. 

The Colonel was exhausted by the time he was finished and decided to take a pain pill. He really hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and briefly wandered if he should take it on an empty stomach but he didn't have the energy to even think about it. The injured man collapsed on the sofa hoping for some rest, protectively wrapping his arms around his damaged ribs. 

Jack awoke with strangled yell and staggered to his feet. Confused, he cursed. Damn, damn, damn. That same nightmare: three small children pleading for his help. He could never save them; it was never enough, no matter how hard he tried! Leaning against the mantle he saw the medals and commendations that had been awarded to him over the years. With an angry sweep of his hand they flew across the room. Jack turned and punched the wall and immediately regretted it. But he didn't care, there was so much uncontrolled anger and hurt he could not contain it. 

He needed some fresh air. Staggering and gasping for breath, he attempted to open the patio door. The Colonel's knees buckled and he fell forward, his right arm shattering the glass. His arm was bleeding messily and he was fighting to remain conscious. Jack couldn't help but think that he was destined to forever live in darkness. There did not seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel for him. 

******************************************* 

Part 9 

Daniel, Teal'c and Sam decided to pay their CO a surprise visit. They knew Jack would neglect his own health, even though he always took care of the people around him. Sam had packed some healthy food. By now they figured their friend had enough pizza and beer. He would at least have a hot meal tonight. Teal'c helped Sam unload the car and Daniel went ahead to ring the doorbell. 

Their Co was the night owl of the bunch. Sam knew he hadn't gone to bed. "You don’t think he’s asleep?" 

"It's only 8:15, Sam. You know Jack never goes to bed early." Though he was trying not to worry, Daniel had a bad feeling. 

"Major Carter, his vehicle is in the driveway. Perhaps he left with someone else?" 

"Yeah, Teal'c I guess that is a possibility. Let's leave a note and check back later, okay guys?" Jack was a very private man and Sam did not feel comfortable going into his home without him being there. 

"Let's check the back door. I... don't know, I just have... this feeling." That nagging feeling, Daniel couldn't shake it. 

"Major Carter and Daniel Jackson, I require assistance." Teal'c had walked ahead of the other two and saw Jack lying on the floor inside the house, his arm still hanging through the broken window. Teal'c carefully lifted the limp arm, shoving it back inside to be able to open the door. 

"Oh, my God!" The concern for his best friend was clear in Daniel's voice. 

The big Jaffa carefully opened the door and they all hurried in. 

 

"Sam, the blood, there is so much," Daniel appeared to be in shock. 

"Daniel, call Janet!" The archeologist didn't move. "Daniel, listen to me call Janet now!" The Major knew they needed a doctor to help their friend. 

"Teal'c, get me some towels. It looks like his arm went through the door as he fell. I need to stop the bleeding." Sam checked his pulse and found it very weak. The Colonel’s face was battered, and she couldn't imagine what had happened to him. 'Damn, we should have stayed with him.' Guilt was creeping into the Major's mind. 'Sam, think about it later.' She did not have the time to spend on it now. 

"Sam, Janet is on her way." Daniel knelt down beside his friend and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Sam, what happen to him?" 

"Daniel Jackson, it appears O'Neill has been in a fight." Returning with the towels Teal'c voiced his opinion. 

Jack was curled on his side, but was still unconscious. Sam was gently removing pieces of shattered glass from the wounds and wrapped them with a towel to help stop the bleeding. 

"Teal'c, roll him onto his back." She needed to check for other injuries. With those big, gentle hands the big Jaffa placed O’Neill on his back. Jack moaned with the movement and tried to push them away. Confused, pain filled eyes opened and stared at them. The injured man had that wounded, tortured, glazed look to his eyes that the team had seen on P4X379. It was one they had hoped to never see again. 

"Jack, can you hear me? It's Daniel. Come on, Jack." Shaking his shoulders gently, Daniel was desperate to get a response from his friend. 

"Colonel, we are going to help you. Janet is on the way. Take it easy, Sir!" Without knowing the full extent of his injuries, she did not want him moving around. 

Jack slowly became aware of the team gathered around him. 

"Hi, guys." Jack managed a small smile. His breathing was labored and he was fighting to stay conscious "I think.... I will take... a nap." He could barely hold his eyes open. 

"No, Sir. I want you to stay awake for me." Sam urged. 

Janet came running into the room and immediately knelt down beside the Colonel noting the harsh breathing and paleness of his face. With all the cuts and blood it was difficult to see past it. His weak pulse along with the shallow, harsh breathing caused her concern. One look at those tightly closed eyes and clenched fists she knew he was in pain. She checked his lungs and they appeared clear. Checking out his chest, she suspected he had taken another blow to his ribs. There was some fresh bruising from where he had been kicked or hit, or maybe both. 

"Colonel, where is the pain?" 

" Ribs... chest..." Jack gasped and tried to sit up. Teal'c grabbed his shoulders and held him down, while Janet expertly dressed his injured arm. 

"Sir, I need to get you back to the base." Janet didn't believe his life was in jeopardy, but she had to be sure. It appeared he had managed to once again damage his already injured ribs. 'Next time,' she thought, 'he is staying in my infirmary even if I have to tie him down.' 

"No! Please, Doc. I will be fine here!" The Colonel clutched her hand in his. With all the nightmares he was experiencing, Jack did not want to be in a hospital. There would be too many people to witness his weakness. Or at least that was the way his military mind rationalized it. 

Janet couldn't believe the Colonel had actually used the word please. He was begging her not to take him there. She was relatively sure his lungs were not damaged, but still, there was always a chance of internal injury. No, this was not a good idea, not at all. But how could she refuse that pleading look in those brown eyes? She had stocked her medical bag on the way out the door. 

"Colonel, the first sign of any problems and I will personally carry your military bravado self to the base. No argument! Understand?" 

"Yeah, Doc." He nodded weakly. 

Sam, Teal'c and Daniel all shared a concerned glance. They, like Janet had never heard Jack plead for anything. Now they were certain there was more going on than just his physical injuries. 

"Teal'c, please help the Colonel to his bed." Teal'c gently helped their CO to his feet and taking most of his weight he assisted him to the bedroom. Once Jack was safely tucked under the covers, Janet started portable IV's with saline and pain medication. Seeing the Colonel's puzzled look, Janet informed him what she was administering. Panic evident in his face, Jack yanked his arm away from her. 

"No! Don't want to sleep...I'm fine..." His friends were shocked; Jack never lost control. He was always so calm, confident. What was going on? 

"O'Neill, you must calm down!" Even Teal'c sounded stressed. The big Jaffa placed a gentle calming hand on his friend. 

"Jack, are you still having nightmares?" Daniel was fully aware of what the answer was going to be. He was devastated his friend had been carrying these burdens alone for the last few days. Jack was his best friend; he should have known something was wrong. Only Teal'c had suspected that Jack was not telling them the truth. 

Jack looked into the eyes of his friends and knew they would be there to give the comfort and support he needed. He had shared more of his past with these people than he had with his ex-wife, Sara. 

Trying to calm the trembling, Jack decided to confide in his friends. 

"Daniel, when I close my eyes, I see Lethea. That beautiful little girl,...... it's my fault, ...just like Charlie. Those villagers ...let their guard down ...because of me. I told them it was okay... to trust again... " Gasping for breath, Jack's head dropped into his hands. "They were good people." The Colonel stared at his hands. "Blood... there's ...blood all over my hands!" He held them up for his friends to see. From the stricken look on their friend's face, it was clear Jack was devastated. His very soul seemed to be damaged beyond repair. 

"Jack, this was not your fault. You heard what Krozack said to you. He would not want you to blame yourself. Don't dishonor him and his people by letting this tear you apart." 

"Janet, I'm really tired. If the offer still stands, sleep sounds pretty good." He would rather face the nightmares; than have to tell his friends about the horrible memories buried deep in his head. 

"Yes, Colonel the offer still stands." Janet could not believe this man, would ask for a sedative. Daniel must have really hit home offering the Colonel help. So, rather than admitting weakness, he wanted to sleep. No, Janet didn't believe that for a minute! Their friend was once again protecting them from the horrors of war. The horrors that lived locked away in his mind. Those same horrors that escaped and tormented this courageous, dedicated, loyal and honorable man far too often. Sighing heavily, she wished he would accept their help for a change. She injected the sedative into the IV. He started to visibly relax and his breathing slowed to a more acceptable level. 

"Doctor Fraiser I will sit with O'Neill for awhile. Why don't the rest of you get some sleep." Looking at his CO, Teal'c wanted to remain close by. 

"Okay, Teal'c that's a good idea." Janet thought Daniel was going to protest, but they were all exhausted and needed rest. After giving him that 'I'm the Doctor and you will do as I say look', he obediently followed. 

Jack was running in a field, staff weapons firing, villagers were falling; in the distance he heard a child's plea for help. But just like the other times: he was too late, the child was dead. He rolled the tiny body over, but it wasn't Lethea this time, it was Charlie. He was trapped in the darkness and couldn't escape. O’Neill began to struggle, someone was holding him down, and he kicked and hit but was too weak to inflict any damage. 

"Charlie! Charlie!" The three friends rushed into the room hearing the anguished cry. The site before them stopped them in their tracks. Teal'c had Jack cradled in his arms and the Colonel was visible shaking, a single tear was running down his face. The Doctor should have seen this coming. The death of the girl had brought the painful memories of his son's death to the forefront, a tragedy they all knew Jack still blamed himself for. The friends gathered around Jack making contact with him in some way. Teal'c still had him cradled to his chest, Daniel placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, Janet had picked up his limp hand and held it tight and Sam was sitting next to his legs on the bed. They sat like that for several hours letting their friend mourn the tragedies in his life. 

In the end, Jack was totally exhausted, but for some strange reason, he also felt better. He was not even embarrassed at the inability to control his emotions. He knew this group of people would not judge or condemn him for his actions. Jack knew he was going to be okay. His eyes were getting heavy but he had to express his thanks to his friends. He now realized he had found that light at the end of the tunnel. He looked into his friends' eyes, giving them one of those rare JACK O'NEILL SMILES before falling asleep. 

THE END


End file.
